Recently I met up with my idol Ultraman in Tokyo, Japan, the city he has
saved many times over from evil, destructive monsters. We met at an
intersection downtown, bought drinks from a vending machine and sat on
the kerb for this interview.
Me: Konichiwa, Ultraman-san!
Ultraman: Apa khabar, Visiteur-san!
Me: Wow! Ultraman reti cakap bahasa?
Ultraman: Mesti lah, beb! Gua ada ramai peminat di seluruh dunia. Gua kena lah belajar macam-macam bahasa.
Me: Cool! So, what you been up to, dude?
Ultraman: A bit tired. Fought a monster last night in Fukushima
prefecture. We fought until we reached the seaside in Hamadori. A lot of
people died.
Me: The monster killed so many?
Ultraman: Actually, gua terjatuh and terhimpit mereka.
Me: Er, I see. Banyak lagi ke monster kat dunia ni?
Ultraman: Ada lah. Tapi mereka dah malas nak lawan. Dah ada agent
and publicist. Merchandising rights. semua lawan nak dapat market share
saja. Boring lah, beb!
Me: I see. So bagaimana brader-brader lu? Ultraman Tiga, Ultraman Taro .. ?
Ultraman: They all OK. Tiga dah bersara. Sekarang dia buka restoran sushi kat Shinjuku. Bini dia baru beranak.
Me: Wow!
Ultraman: Yeah. Bini dia makhluk Bumi. So at first, family gua
bantah, sebab we all boleh kahwin dengan orang Planet Ultra saja. But
thank the Ultra-Gods, my father, Utraman yang bertanduk tu, finally gave
his blessings. Cucu dia tu bertanduk jugak, so happy lah dia.
Me: What about Taro?
Ultraman: Taro tengah buat multi-level marketing jual ubat untuk kuatkan tenaga batin.
Me: Eh, Kenapa Ultraman semua tak nak jadi superhero lagi?
Ultraman: Tu lah. Nowadays terlalu ramai superhero. Gaban lah,
Power Ranger lah, ni lah, tu lah. Yang paling teruk si Baja Hitam tu
lah. Lawan macam pondan tapi marketing power dia kuat. Sebab tu boleh
jadi popular. I always say, never trust superhero yang bawa motosikal,
superhero yang pakai topeng pelik-pelik. We all Ultramen don't need all
that cosmetic bad word.
Me: Wow, marahnya Ultraman.
Ultraman: Siapa tak marah? Bagero! Superhero ciplak ni semua tak
original lah. And they all no integrity or morals. Last week, I dengar
Gaban kena tangkap dengan gadis bawah umur. You see?
Me: Man, that is sad.
Ultraman: Tu lah. That's why kalau tak Ultra, memang tak world lah.
Me: Wuhu! Lu peminat Mawi ke?
Ultraman: Adalah sikit-sikit.
Me: So, Ultraman, what's your future plan? You going to give up being a superhero too?
Ultraman: No way. I love my job too much. But my girlfriend
complains that I work such long hours. And when I come home at night,
I'm always tired and my chest light is always beeping.
Me: Woooo! Sounds like you might need some of that ubat from your brader Taro.
Ultraman: Good idea! I better give him a call tonight.At this
point, Ultraman receives a distress call from Yokohama, where a monster
is attacking the train station. So off he went, into the blue yonder, to
fight yet another worthy adversary.World!
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